There’s nothing medium about either pregnancy or hot chicken

The dueling threads of my life– domesticity/parenthood and the raving idiot’s love of hot chicken were battling last night. First, the legendary David Vance and I went for some medium Prince’s Hot Chicken. I’m generally a mild hot chicken guy, but I wanted David to have the full experience. As we sat there with tears streaming down our cheeks and snot steadily threatening to pour out, I realized I had definitely reached that goal. I wondered if I was killing David for awhile, but then he hit his second wind and had every last bite of that incredibly tasty and ridiculously hot chicken. And it is ridiculous. I eat Insane wings at Zaxby’s to try to stay in training, but there’s no comparison. It was all it should be. I also credit David for the best insight yet into the hot chicken, as he said basically that if I approached it as others might approach a good bender– every once in a while, but not all the time– it might not kill me. Hopefully.

After this, it was on to shopping at Babies R Us for a bunch of stuff we needed. The highlight of that was that I found a mirror that you can stick in your car so you can watch your rear-facing baby in its carseat without wrecking. This was a particular thrill, as I managed to allay one of my wife and my 472,637 fears of parenting. Next week, I’ll be removing all electricity from the house and setting fire to all our books so that the baby can’t papercut herself on one.

Anyway, that’s the news from here on Walton Mountain where John Boy is battling explosive stomach cramps and trying to stockpile baby goods at the same time. T minus 13 days to the due date.

Joe

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5 Responses to “There’s nothing medium about either pregnancy or hot chicken”

  1. dvance Says:

    The morning after the hot chicken episode, I got in a fight with a jalapeño pepper and lost. Twice in 24 hours I found myself crying over food.

  2. eljoe1235 Says:

    A friend of a friend gave me a jalapanero once, which I ate raw. No amount of water cooled it down. I cried, choked, drank literally gallons of water, it didn’t matter.

    Joe

  3. Teresa Says:

    Oh, T-Dogg and the jalapeno will NEVER be forgotten. Ever. Greatest moment in my short life thus far.

    Tell your daughter to hurry up – the sooner she gets here, the sooner you get to taste homemade hot chicken!

  4. eljoe1235 Says:

    Of course, there was also a great moment at Mariah’s when I got a huge hunk of jalapeno on dragon pizza and coughed, choked, turned red and cried.

    My daughter is on her own timer. She’ll show up when she’s ready. And not a minute before, if she can help it.

  5. Teresa Says:

    Well, I don’t know where she got that idea from. NO ONE in her family, especially not her dear auntie Tibby, is at all stubborn and runs on her own time schedule. Not at all.

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