Baby classes

Julie and I began our baby classes last night at the local hospital. I am again struck with respect and reverence for her, and for my Mom, and for all of those women who, to steal from Look Who’s Talking, squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon.

After my friend Ryan Clark’s award-winning facebook alerts from he and his wife’s baby classes, I had high hopes for hilarity. There wasn’t overly much. I was impressed when our instructor told us a story of going to the hospital once just before birth, thinking her water broke, but finding out that she had peed her bed instead. I also was struck by the name of a rather disgusting gynecological phenomenon called “Bloody Show”. I was struck because I think it’s an awesome name for a bad rock band. Preferrably an English one.

Next week, I get to see two births on video. The thought did cross my mind that this is God’s revenge on me for every not-at-all-safe-for-children movie moment I’ve ever viewed. The second thought that crossed my mind was wondering what poor woman consented to allow vast rooms of people to watch movies of her naughty bits in all their raging birth-giving glory. I have respect and reverence for her too.

I’ll keep everyone posted. We’re down to approximately T minus 14 weeks for the arrival of my daughter. Which still sounds almost as odd to me as the idea of watching two women give birth next Tuesday. Ah well, it’s a new era. Or if not, it will be on Tuesday.

Joe

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5 Responses to “Baby classes”

  1. Teresa Says:

    “the idea of watching two women give birth next Tuesday.” That sounds vaguely like a lesbian couple, giving birth to their child. Let’s hope that’s not the case, at least.

  2. eljoe1235 Says:

    I don’t think so, unless it’s two lesbians who were simultaneously inseminated. And if it is, doesn’t matter to me. I don’t have to watch the babies be conceived, just born. BELIEVE ME, that promises to be enough!

  3. Barbara C. Says:

    Obviously you don’t watch enough TLC. There are hundreds of women who consent to having their child’s birth all national television. Thank God for pixilation.

    I hope you are paying better attention than Rick ever did. He would spend every class pondering where to eat afterward. Then he skipped the last class to buy Bob Dylan tickets.

    I can’t really remember learning too many valuable techniques from the class. I did decide that I absolutely did not want an epidural after seeing up close the size of the needle they put in your spine. By my third child, the book that helped me the most was Ina Mae’s Guide to a Better Birth…really looking at the mind/body connection.

    I’ll keep you, Julie, and your little one in my prayers for a safe and easy delivery. And “Bloody Show” would be a great name for an English rock band. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. What do you think about “Mucus Plug”?

  4. eljoe1235 Says:

    Not bad, not bad. Maybe they can open for Bloody Show.

    For some reason, I’m reminded of this great exchange from Wayne’s World (may not be exact, it’s been about 20 years now)

    “So who’s playing tonight?”
    “The Shitty Beatles.”
    “Are they any good?”
    “They suck.”

  5. Amy Hilliard Says:

    I’m so happy for you and Julie. It is definitely a magical thing….though there are plenty of gross out moments. Just go with it. It will all be over soon and you will be even more amazed by your wife and your beautiful new daughter. You two will be awesome parents.

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