Bob Dylan kicks his own fans in the crotch

That’s more or less what is going down.

I am a Bob Dylan fan. Maybe I should type that I AM A BOB DYLAN FAN, because it would come closer to expressing my ridiculous devotion to the modern-day minstrel.

Today began very happily. Dylan’s next album, the 8th volume of his label’s official bootleg series, was announced for October 7th. As planned, it will consist of rare and unreleased tracks from 1989-2006. All sounds great. The 2 CD, 27 track set will sell for about $19. All is still well.

BUT.

And oh, is it ever a BUT

If you want 3 CDs and 39 tracks of rarities, you have to buy the “deluxe version”. THe “deluxe version” apparently comes in a nice case, has a little booklet of photos and a vinyl single not available otherwise (although one of the two songs on said single is available today at www.bobdylan.com for free download, and the other is a live recording which will not be new to either me or other sad Dylan obsessives). The price? $129.99.

So let me get this straight- $19 for two CDs or $130 for three CDs with some other odd paraphernalia. We few sad poor Dylan nutjobs are supposed to part with $111 for one more CD, a book of pictures, a nice case and a vinyl single that most of us can’t even play anymore?

So really, it’s $111 for one more CD, if we’re being honest. That extra CD has 12 songs, three of which are live recordings which likely any idiot who buys the deluxe set has already heard. I have. $111 for nine songs.

And the powers that be wonder why people burn CDs relentlessly, download illegally, and buy less legitimate CDs every month. 

On the other side of the coin, Bruce Springsteen recently released a sort of novelty fan sort of product. Available only on ITunes and amazon.com for download, Springsteen released a video/audio EP of four live songs from his Spring 2008 tour. I believe it sells for $7.99, and you not only get four videos and four songs, you get the satisfaction of knowing that all profits are going to the Danny Federici Melanoma Fund, which is a cancer research project, in memory of Springsteen’s recently deceased keyboard maestro.

$8 to enjoy some Springsteen rarities and help with cancer research or $111 for nine Dylan songs and some assorted swag? Or neither– and judging by music sales, neither is a big option right now.

Anyway, I’ve made a decision. I’ll pay the $111– IF and only if Dylan pays ME back for some of the crap I’ve had to endure. 1969’s flop “Self Portrait”? I figure Bob owes me $10. 1987’s live crapfest “Dylan and the Dead”? Dylan owes me $25 and the Dead probably owe me some brownies. 1986’s horrifying “Knocked Out Loaded”? $75 at least. I’d give back that money if there was any way to unhear that album. Paint by numbers concert after concert since about 2003? Well, let’s just say we’re to the point where “Seinfeld”‘s own Jerry and George’s TV pilot comes to life and Dylan has to work as my butler. The $111 might come in handy then. In the meanwhile, tidy the place up, Bob.

Joe

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5 Responses to “Bob Dylan kicks his own fans in the crotch”

  1. Ricky Says:

    You make some good points, but, man, I have to partially forgive him because of that free song. Funny the lyrics that wound up elsewhere, but excellent stuff.

    I want that unreleased Duncan and Brady. I’m not paying $111 for it, but I trust you’ll get your Appalachian paws on it sooner or later.

  2. Teresa Says:

    Hahahaha. Absolutely fantastic rant. I am proud to call you my sibling, with blogging as fine as this.

  3. Ricky Says:

    You know, I was thinking about this and sort of wondering if it would be any more or less acceptable if he kicked OTHER people’s fans in the crotch? Like, you know, if he were to kick a Cat Stevens fan in the crotch or something.

    And how would he go about it? I’m thinking he could probably accomplish this with a half-interested cover of Peace Train. Not just a live version because it wouldn’t have a enough impact. Maybe for a movie soundtrack. Yeah, that would do it.

  4. eljoe1235 Says:

    I’m going with more acceptable. Bob Dylan kicking Journey fans in the crotch sounds intriguing. Or kicking Metallica fans in the crotch. Only, I’m thinking the only way he could do that is probably literally, with his foot.

    Joe

  5. Amy Hilliard Says:

    OK, you all are crazy! But, this has been very amusing. 🙂

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